Friday, August 7, 2009

Where to begin...

Wow, let's see...where to do I begin... Hmm...

We have been trying to get pregnant now for right at a year. I came off my birth control last August. We received temporary custody of our 3yr old neice the third week of August. Her mother (Charlie's sister) - is a drug addict. I think she's the worst person in the world, but that's just my opinion. When Brittany came to us, she was under weight, had dark blue circles under her eyes, and behaved badly. Charlie and I threw ourselves into showing her extra loving and attention because of the bad situation she has been in. But the whole time, I kept thinking that any day now I will find out that I'm pregnant, and we will have our own baby to love on too. So - let's fast foward now to present time. Here we are a year later - and no baby of our own yet. My body started to not work right. I guess it took my birth control several months to get out of my system. In January I wasn't starting on my own. I had to take Provera. They had me come in for day 21 labs and found out that my levels were a 1.1...bad...I thought, ok, I'm just going to have to take clomid once or twice to get my baby. So my doctor jump started me with 100mg... my labs were better - they were an 8.2. So I just knew that the next month would be great and I would respond well to 150mg... So

Cycle # 2 150mg - didn't work. my levels went back down to a 1!!! I was SO disappointed.

Cycle #3 200mg - didn't work either... levels were a 1 again. This was hard to take in. I had just had HSG test done (where they flush your tubes out). OMG, that was the worst thing I have EVER been through. In all honesty, I am emotionally scarred from that. I tried to explain to everyone how horrific it was, but of course, unless you have been through it - you don't understand. She wants me to try 200mg again...

Cycle # 4 - I just started this cycle yesterday. I'm trying to be positive... I know that God's timing is perfect and when He's ready for me to have a baby - He will bless us with one. I'm trying to be strong - I'm looking at this blog to be the place where I can fall apart, put myself back together, and go back out. I know that no one here can judge me and I can say what I want without thinking of someone else.

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